I've always wondered what I wanted to be when I grow up. "I wanna be a nurse!" "I wanna be a police officer!" I found such typical answers quite boring. My mother would say I should become a pharmacist. You know, giving people medicine. I also found that boring.
I never understood why kids were asked about their future. It's not like any of us ACTUALLY knew what we would do with our lives a decade from now. But people would ask with such certainty (probably because we were kids), and I would feel intimidated for not having an answer⏤so I forced an answer. I liked to draw, so I said an animator or artist. I also liked to play games, so I said a YouTuber. I would use my interests to force a spark to ignite, and I would pretend there was a spark where there wasn't.
Then came 7th grade. At first, it was an elective I chose in school for fun, and it genuinely was! I liked to watch musicals like Heathers, Annie, Ride The Cyclone, Hamilton, etc. I am a pretty introverted person; I keep to myself, I don't really express myself around those who aren't close to me, and I have social anxiety and stage fright. Back then, I saw it as a small interest I wanted to expand on.
But then, at the end of that school year, I realized something. Picking your roles, the rehearsals, the adrenaline of being onstage, and the welcoming community. That class made my realize that I wanted to continue this journey. This was not just a class to me anymore, this is what I want to do with my life. THIS is what I want to be.
I wasn't looking for a genuine passion, I was just trying to fit in. I was trying to force myself to be ready when I wasn't. And now, I couldn't be more sure. I don't want to do medicine for a living. I don't wanna animate or draw or play games for a living either. I want to act. I wish I could tell myself that it's okay to be unsure or confused. But do not lie to yourself and try to find passion in places where there's none. Now, what do you wanna be when you grow up?
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